Editorials

Grief During The Holidays

Nicole Walsh | December 23, 2024

The holiday season can be something we dread when we are embarking on our grief journey, especially when it is our first set of holidays without our loved one. Doing things like going against tradition and surrounding ourselves with our support systems are definitely helpful during this time, but what happens when your loved one died on a holiday?

I have had the unfortunate experience of losing my dad on New Year’s Eve. Both 2020 ended and 2021 began on a bad note. Not only was there a transition into a new year, but there was then a transition into a new and unfamiliar life without my father. For years, I deemed New Year’s Eve as a day of sorrow. I felt like there was no more room for celebration because it will forever be sentenced as the day my dad died. 

This year will mark 5 years since my dad died. This means 4 New Year’s Eves without him. Each one provided a different revelation for me. Unsurprisingly, the first one without him affected me the most. I made sure to surround myself with those who made me feel safest. I could not leave my mom’s side that first NYE. The next New Year’s, I tried to treat it like a normal New Year’s Eve, but the grief was too overwhelming and I was back at my mom’s side. The third NYE without my dad, I was able to go out and celebrate, but found myself longing to be with my family soon after the clock struck 12:00, so I went home. 

Last year was the first time since I lost my dad that I was able to treat NYE like a day of celebration. I dreamt of having the ability to love this holiday again, and through my own determination and grief work, I was finally able to be present for the first time in years on this day. My night was full of special memories and laughter. This night was monumental for my healing; this was the day I rewrote my story. Of course I thought of my dad a little extra that day and there were moments of longing for him, but I was able to put those thoughts aside.

I’m looking forward to this upcoming New Year’s Eve. I am spending it with my mom which will give me the opportunity to reminisce about my dad with someone who loved him as much as I did. I will get to create new memories, which filter out the painful ones that remain from that tragic day.

I honestly never thought I could look at New Year’s Eve as anything but a day of despair. Just like so many aspects of my grief journey, I have learned that as time advances, so do I. The natural progression of time and the efforts I have made to rewrite my story have allowed for this day to be something new. We have the power and capability to make holidays fun and exciting again, even though we are missing our person. 

December 31st will always be the day my dad died, but it does not have to be only that anymore.